my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
