Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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