It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
