you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
