I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
