i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
