ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
