remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
