I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
