the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
