Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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