Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
