Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
