Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
