I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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