Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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