can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
