Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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