Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
