i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
