I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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