Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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