Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
