Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
