did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
