he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
