Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
