3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
