capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
