I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
