Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
