I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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