dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
