My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
