Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
