i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
