My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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