The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
