we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
