did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
