Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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