come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
