you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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