Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
