i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
