Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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