My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
