u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
