I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
