I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
