oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
